pilderwasser

...it’s after 4:00pm and I‘m at base and my dispatcher asks me what I’m holding.

and I’m holding:
9 King County filings
2 USDC monetary filings
15 downtowns including an NLRB
a big fat Immigration Court
and some residential process

Then the dispatcher sends me to 9800 NE MacPherson to pick up a 1201 by 5:00

Along the way I need to attempt some process service at a residence in Ballard.  I’ve tried it five times already today. It’s service on a pair of identical twins that are supermodels. They’re never home because they travel a lot for work and their stoner roommate is always there and states he’s a resident of suitable age and discretion and authorized to accept but our client says no, personal service only on each twin individually.

I say, where the fuck is MacPherson?  
and I’m serving that stoner roommate this time.

But the dispatcher has completely lost it, he’s incoherent, glazed over and cannot respond. Then a messenger from ABC tries to give me directions, because it’s their client on NE MacPherson,  but his mouth is moving and no sound is coming out. Thanks dude…whatever.

I’m getting a little agitated and start to...

Where the hell is Grinnell
it’s right here
it’s right there
it’s everywhere

a strong foundation
a liberal arts education

Where do you go from here
Wherever I want

Smells like

garlic & onions sautéed in butter
in a well seasoned cast-iron skillet

What’s for dinner
Whatever you want

What are you doing
with your degree
in anthropology

writing poetry

eating spicy teriyaki beef jerky

Cat Wolmar photo

-Emerson

look ma, no hands

let's party like it's two thousand and nine

one chirp is all it takes

Red Kev photo

Attorney: when I ask you a question, just answer the question

Client: no shit, I’m paying you $400 an hour you fat fuck

Christmas tree tied atop a Volvo wagon
12/23/08 = seasonal, spiritual, sentimental

Christmas tree tied atop a Volvo wagon
12/30/08 = trash

We have an understanding
An unspoken agreement
We don’t speak to each other

Call it like you see it
Call it what you will
Call someone who cares

We’re all paying rent to the same landlord

A little less lip gloss. A little more chapstick.
A little more IPA.  A little less PBR.
A little less daytime TV.  A little more integrity…

Today I need something more sub-sub substantial. More satisfying than a stale rice cake.  Enough of the fluffy whipped up cotton candy trendy pre-packed snacks with soy protein added for texture. Enough empty calories.

Yesterday my shopping list included ingredients for the creation of a hearty stew. But when I got home from the store the only thing in the bag was a 4-pack of ramen noodles. Shrimp flavor.

Today is the day that bike lanes shine and show what they’re really good for: collecting all the gravel, sand, broken glass, makeshift sleds, dogshit, beer cans, hub caps and other detritus that materializes after two weeks worth of snow melts. It was like riding on the beach out there today.  A beach covered with biohazards and oilslick wildlife.

Yesterday…this guy walks into a bar with his laptop and the NY Times. He sits at a table and orders a bowl of soup. A short time later he asks his server to ask the bartender to turn the music down. And the bartender...

when it rains it rains
persistent nagging chest pains
as a result of ill-gotten gains

you super usurper
you're gonna get yours
you get what you pay for
      pay now     pay later

not a just a compromise
a ceremonial sacrifice
offering up function to the fashion gods
your feet hurt like hell
but you look good     yes you do   yes you do

It opens bottles
But let’s not call it a bottle opener

It has value we both agree
But let’s not call it currency

It smells like lilacs
let’s call it dumb luck

It has drop bars 
your uncle calls it a Ten-Speed

It burns your eyes
lettuce call it salad dressing

Citing search & seizure
I prefer the Chicken Caesar

Should we talk about the weather?       No
I don’t want to be that guy                  …Snow

It’s allover everywhere and we’re all over it

Blisters turn to calluses. Suck it up, they say. And just like anything else you get used to it. Get over it. Get out from under it. Get off it.  Get on with it.

And I am so ready to   too

Easy to say. Easy to do with a day or two over 32°

Winterwonderland is a place you visit by choice or vacation. Seattle in the snow is so 1996. It was fun for a day and great for a weekend. But I think many people here feel the same way and are ready to see bare wet streets, 45 and rain.

We’ve all taken a moment to appreciate the majestic beauty of the snow covered city. The muffled quiet of traffic-less streets. The frightened screams of drunk people sledding down Denny from Summit all the way to Stewart. The goofy laughter of kids building their first snowman. But I no longer have the happy-go-lucky attitude of a Pomeranian in the snow.

I have the grumpy poopy pants attitude of an old...

Don't do what I say

Don't do what I do

Don’t call it a comeback
I been here for years

Don’t call us
We’ll call you

Don’t stand up in a canoe

try walking a mile in my shoes

I’m getting on an elevator
I’m about to lose you

I saw you

This past week of work   in the snow
has sucked
just a little bit harder now baby

But it’s over
Today is my Friday

word

You know what hard work gets you...

...more hard work

Another day another half dollar. Actually it’s down to 45 cents. I’d buy that for a dollar but the price is now $2.25.  Please accept this gift card as a small token of appreciation for all the work you’ve done over the past year.  The card may be redeemed at participating Taco Bell restaurants  [The bearer of this card is entitled to one free medium soft drink with a purchase of $10 or more] Hey thanks. NO, Thank You. December revenue projected to fall short of projections expected to fall short of expectations predicted to fall short of predictions. shoulda coulda woulda.

Blame it on the weather

Blame it on the messenger

The streets aren’t plowed
Because there are no snow plows

The sidewalks aren’t shoveled
Because no one owns a snow shovel

Compact snow and ice
Traction tires required

Accumulations of 6”- 8”…he said
More like 3” - 5” …she said

Remember that time
It snowed in Seattle then froze & stuck around
Yeah that was a while ago                                1996

In the 206
In the two oh six          Oh
I found your wallet in El Segundo

You gotta get it
You got-got to get it

Wool socks and six packs
Six packs of wool socks

Frozen pizza
Hard liquor
Red wine
Sharp cheddar

one more layer

I gotta get it
I got-got to get it

 these boots weren’t made for walking
but that’s what they had to do
one of these days these boots
are gonna                      call in sick

Walking in to work
Walking it for work
Walking is not the new black
Walking kind of sucks

Coming out of buildings looking for my bike

reaching for my key feeling for my lock      then

remembering my bike was at home
because I walked
Walking sucks sometimes

but it beats the bus

All local artists

All mediums

All night

you know you want some

Less is more        or less
overdressed   underdressed
confident comfortable
I’m impressed
nothing more   nothing less

pedestrian chicken dance
duck duck duck             goose

say hello to my little friend
Mr. Jim Beam
he lives close to another friend
Major Lee Housed

Out in left field
Out to lunch
Out in the cold
sitting on the steps
the only thing between me and hypothermia
the only thing between my ass and those steps
a fat stack of divorce papers
fortified by fatass divorce lawyers
insulated with inflated billable hours

belching away the one and only chance
to make a good impression
on a mind that was made up long ago

Raise your hand if you’ve
eaten the special at the Logan Deli
and Café Zum Zum
in the same 4 hour stretch…
a normal man would be in the hospital
it’s all about me
it’s all about calories

What should I do?
do what you say
or do it the right way

Do what you love
and the money will follow
that thing you love
right out the window

You can’t afford to

You can’t afford not to