As down to earth as a corduroy beer coozie
As reflective a Cascade Bike Club member
As fragrant as a Christmas tree
As aromatic as bong water
As authentic as a wool sweater
As comical as a wool sweater splashed with bong water, flecked with pine needles
As honest as an empty stomach
As insincere as a plastic flower arrangement
As full-of-shit as a car salesman
As annoying as a line of horse drawn carriages in the left lane on 4th Avenue
As silent as 120 psi on dry pavement
As impersonal as an email
As fast as a phone call
As efficient as a fax machine
But nowhere near as interesting as a bike messenger
As comfortable as an old pair of shoes
As intimidating as the All Blacks’ haka
As dark as December in Seattle
As welcome as the solstice
As warm as a gas oven
As inviting as a fluffy white cloud like down filled duvet
As exclusive as a
High RollerAs simple as
keep it outta my faceAs complicated as a house in the suburbs, two car payments and a three hour commute each way
As existential as a plastic cactus
As organic as Wonder Bread
As black as team Evil
As Iowa as RAGBRAI
As mid-west as Marie Callender’s
As thoughtful as a gift certificate
As unexpected as a gleek
As free as a bird
As free as a bird
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