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side of ranch

January 4, 2010

I am a six-speed freewheel forced onto a freehub body with a cheater bar chain whip by a bloody knuckle vice grip bike mechanic.

You are a one inch threadless Chris King headset mushroomed into an ovalized Motobecane head tube by a self-taught bigger is better brute force bike mechanic.

We wish we were simple elegant solutions to mechanical problems.

Instead we’re faced with gobs of JB Weld protruding from a hose-clamped duct-taped tube interface.

Rounded out like a square taper.

When you know the notes to sing, you can sing most anything.

Love is fixing the flat on your girlfriend’s bike.

Lust is buying your girlfriend an NJS saddle that matches her wheels but she doesn’t want it because it hurts like hell and in the end you’re the one getting all buttsore.

Pomegranate juice makes my eyeballs hurt.

Tiger focus.

The gargoyle on the mantel is speaking in tongues citing specific landlord-tenant laws, watching me, pretending not to be.

The deer in the garden are munching on fresh bunches of coincidences.

Three out of four attorneys do not wash their hands after using the restrooms in the courthouse.

Midmorning sunlight reflects off the dumpster recently repainted occupational orange and brimming with deceivingly heavy bags of human hair swept up each day from the floors of the Institute of Cosmetology.

Skipping kidney stones on the North Fork of the Urethra River.

Blotchy skin smattered with red splotches flattered by fluorescent lighting in a drop ceiling, acoustic flame-retardant tiles aligned accordingly, boring.

Six-month performance review stewing 24 months late and counting intestinal turbulence disturbance.

Smiles everyone, smiles.

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3 Comments

Jace said...

One out of three attorneys take the time to use the ass gasket, provided for your protection. Clean the pee off of the floor and behind the seat. Keep the coat tails clean and the leather shoes shined. All that touching and they still don't wash their hands.

Posted January 8, 2010 07:26 PM | Reply to this comment

pilder replied to Jace...

then they shake each others' hands in the courtroom and a short time later I bust in with a stack of rush exhibits in my grubby little hands for their trial in session, and it comes full circle.