Yesterday I went to the King County Courthouse with a stack of jobs. Filings, copies for the judge, arbitration, family law, the Sheriff’s office, County Council, the Prosecutor, a research job and a big fat stack of documents to record at the Auditor’s office. When you see a messenger perhaps you think they just dart in and out of traffic all day, smoke pot, talk about bikes and think about what tattoo they want to get next. But some of those messengers have to pay attention to lots of little legal bullshit details. And on that run yesterday my mind was full of legal bullshit. I did all the routine filings and deliveries then I dove into the research job.
A very large law firm wanted copies of two documents from a 17 year old probate case. Even after you die the lawyers are still juicing you, 17 years later, somebody is paying for it. The case was archived…old school, olde skool, which adds some time to the search process. I found one of the documents but the other one they asked for was not there, or at least not under the name they were using. So I printed out the first document as well as the docket sheet so the secretary at the law firm could get a look at it and then be a little more specific. When she knew what she wanted we could then go back and finish the job. The messenger slip had $10 in cash attached to pay for the copies and at that point the cost was $3. So I clipped the $7 change to the job and moved on to the auditor.
Another small law firm that seemingly only works with probate cases--more dead people, once again families of dead people getting juiced by the attorneys--had a bunch of stuff to record with the auditor like a death certificate, a will, power of attorney, blah blah blah. After waiting in line for 12 minutes, then waiting for the clerk to sort it all out, the check was a dollar short. Their check was for $172 and they needed one more dollar. At that point I was in too deep, too much was invested, to have the clerk reject it over one lousy dollar. So I pulled a dollar off the other law firm’s job and covered the costs. We call it a cash advance. The law firm is billed for the cash we front plus the vig, the cash advance fee, the juice. Yeah we’ll cover you, but it’s going to cost you. It’s a win win situation for everyone but me and usually ends up being cheaper for them. Cheaper than a rejected job and return to the firm and then a second attempt. But I don’t like cash advances because it’s my money, my coffee money, my lunch money, my beer money. And when I pay a dollar for a client on a job, it’s a pain in the ass to try to get a dollar out of my boss to pay me back. When I pay eight or ten dollars for a client and my boss pays me back with a check…that sucks. A check for $8 won’t buy me lunch and my bank charges me to cash a check.
So about 5 hours later in the day that research job ended up back in my hands. The secretary finally knew what she wanted. So I went back to the courthouse and copied the second document. At that point the total cost for the copies was $3.50. So the huge law firm should have gotten their documents and $6.50 in cash as well as an invoice for about $50. Paying a dollar per minute for courthouse research and $10 for the two trips it took to complete the job. What they did get back was their documents, $5 in cash and the invoice.
I don’t want you to think that I just did this little shuffle without thinking about it, or that I took it lightly. I take very good notes on my jobs and keep track of things. I gave it some thought. The thing is I just didn’t tell anyone about it. I would much rather cough up their dollar, instead of my own. One dollar is sixty seven percent of a double short Americano. My company got their vig, the little probate law firm got their documents recorded, the big law firm got excellent efficient service from an experienced courthouse researcher and some handholding from our messenger company‘s office staff, but they got shorted $1.50 of their goddamn petty cash. $1 for the other firm’s job and the stupid fifty cents I tossed in my bag because it’s hard to staple two quarters to the messenger slip.
A very short time after the research job was returned to the huge law firm, the secretary called my office manager and complained that she was short $1.50. The $50.00 cost for the research job was no problem, not an issue. The shortchange on the petty cash was a problem. So the office manager called me and asked me what happened. I told him the story and told him to tell the secretary she can reach into my pocket and get the 50 cents back but the dollar went to another firm’s job.
My boss ended up reaching into his pocket. He put the buck-fifty in cash into an envelope and had another messenger rush it out to the secretary.
I’m talking about one of the largest law firms on the West coast. I’m talking about attorney’s billable hours clocking in at $400 per hour, broken down into 8 minute chunks. I’m talking about $750,000 settlement checks. I’m talking about property taxes that are 15 times higher than my annual income. Lunch with client $286. Seahawks box seats $875. Company picnic $22,000. First class flight to DC to meet with senator $1200. All of that is no problem. But when the stinky little bike messenger shorts us $1.50. One dollar and fifty cents. That’s gonna be a problem.
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