we wanna be free to do what we wanna do
7/4/08
Wishing you and yours the very best this Holiday
Yesterday I got a little RAGBRAI interval training in with Mr. Jonny Sundt when he happened to “step into my office”
Word
Over the river and through the woods to Grandmother's house
I go
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Back Off, I got a sharrow here
7/2/08
My right brain scribbled purple crayon
My left brain calculated mechanical pencil
My right brain fell in love
While my left brain did the math
My right brain made out at a Seahawks game
While my left brain called security
My right brain went skinny dipping
While my left brain applied more sunscreen
My right brain rode barefoot to the beer store
My left brain packed 2 tubes, a pump and a patch kit
My right brain ordered dessert
My left brain packed a lunch
My right brain stayed up all night
My left brain set an alarm and went to bed early
My right brain did the unexpected
My left brain lived up to expectations
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casserole
7/2/08
fish needs bicycle
there were no bullshit traffic tickets issued to Seattle messengers yesterday because the local police finally had a bigger fish to fry. A big fried fish casserole of a bank robbery, a high speed car chase all over town topped off with a shoot em up multiple shots fired.
Mr. Craig Etheridge sent me this photo. Take a close look at this chuffer’s front wheel. His fork is backwards. I’m guessing he pulled this bike out of a mail-order box and took it upon himself to handle the “some assembly required” If you spot this Lamborghini road bike around town, do the guy a favor and flip his bars around for him. And while you’re at it you might want to tighten all the bolts and adjust everything else on his bike too. It’s people like this that crash their bikes because they put them together wrong or their quick release levers are all the way open instead of all the way closed and then they file lawsuits against bike shops, bike distributors and bike manufacturers. 
This is a pie plate for the Bike Snob If you lived around here Mr. Bike Snob, I’d bring you this whole Huffy. The bike shop guy is crazy, so he wouldn’t sell me the pie plate or even the rear wheel he’d try to sell me the whole bike for $400.
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smell the glove
7/1/08
Everyday is messenger appreciation day on elevators. Summer has arrived in Seattle but elevator conversations continue to be about the weather. The smells, however have changed. Because the smell of freedom at 82 degrees differs slightly from the smell of freedom at 52 degrees. I wouldn’t want your job on a day like this.
On a hot day I enjoy entering a crowded elevator still dripping sweat from the last time I actually rode my bike. Then I like to run my hand across the top of my head. Each hair only 3/8” long, but collectively just long enough to propel a fine mist of perspiration into the air for all to share.
Who can ride an elevator
and in the span of 7 floors
Change his shirt and
put on a fresh pair of drawers
The messenger
The messenger can cuz he mixes it with sweat
and makes the world smell good
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here & there now & then
6/29/08
2:56
A red scrunchy caught my eye. Discarded-unwanted or lost-sorely-missed. Either way it’s resting in the gutter. Either way it’s reminding me of you. Letting your hair down or putting your hair up. The look. The smell. The taste of your neck.
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infrastructure
6/28/08
What do we have here? last my ass critical Friday
congregate hydrate lubricate agitate migrate
duplicate do it again one more time
---- move along
one way two way my way your way either way
whatever vector scalar tensor
direction location vocation vacation
reapply after heavy perspiration
energy entropy probability possibility
We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it
roadmaster forecaster Coinstar rockstar
binder clip connoisseur guacamole regularly
complete complex deplete duplex
We’ve isolated the source of the problem
what we have here is a loose scutcheon
free time big time and no bigger fish to fry
intense camping out in tents …RAGBRAI
What did you expect It’s about respect
Rolling in on your parents’ credit card
you don’t know me we don’t know you
chill out back off slow down open your eyes pay attention
got a good thing going -- don’t fuck it up
pay your dues learn the rules play the game
you can push it when you earn it until then
take it someplace else
Take me to another place
a place where
she can go for a bike ride to the bar
she can go beer-for-beer with me
she can go and not piss off my favorite bartender
she can go home with me
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mind of the eccentric
6/28/08
please make a note of it
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taken out of context
6/26/08
To gain some perspective. See the big picture. See things in a new light. Some folks travel to exotic locations. Some seek solitude. Some enjoy cosmopolitan metropolitan social buzz. Some enjoy MountainDew style extreme sports. Some just like to hear themselves talk about themselves.
I enjoy pondering life’s great mysteries while perched high atop a barstool.
“Dude, you look pretty faded. Have you been here a while?”
“yup since 1996.”
That gear ratio was too tall
That gear ratio was too short
This gear ratio is just right
Yellow Cab, Orange Cab, Blue Cop. You all drive Crown Victorias and you’re all annoying.
Lulled to sleep by a consistent white noise. Dreaming of ocean waves gently lapping up the beach, but it was just the traffic droning on I-5.
Remember if you don’t know what you’re talking about
a) talk louder
b) make something up
c) crack a joke
d) all of the above
e) shut the fuck up
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out on the weekend
6/26/08
I think I’ll pack it in and buy a Segway, take it down to LA
If I only ride my bike on sunny days in June
Will you still respect me in February?
If I ride home with you this evening
Will you still respect me in the morning?
If I drink 6 beers in the morning
Will you still respect me in the evening?
If I ride a Segway
Will you respect me at all?
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one less bumper sticker
6/24/08
Road Master: $2.00
Open Container ticket: $27.00
Public Urination citation: $54.00
Summer in Seattle: priceless
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IPO
6/24/08
The fancy colors and ornate raised fonts on your original stock certificates from faux corporate headquarters in tax-sheltered Delaware caught my eye. Each piece of paper is worth 4,500 shares in your newly incorporated widget company. The much anticipated IPO, still nine weeks away. Not even an envelope to conceal them, just a paper clip holding them together. These aren’t due in Bellevue until Wednesday, so they’re going with me for a ride to spend the night on Capitol Hill.
First stop, Benson’s. Feeling 13,500 shares of stock pressed against my back by a six pack of tall boys brings a smile to my face after a long day. The projected value at IPO of those 3 sheets of paper is $1,120,000. The retail value of those six beers is $4.58. The barrier between them is a thin plastic bag.
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what it is
6/23/08
the sophomores are making fun of the freshmen
the seniors want to get in their pants
Old Enough for me
With plenty of friends in low places
there’s no reason to take any shit from “higher-ups”
Especially unreasonably rude misdirected strange ones
What it is.
What is it?
It is.
If you think your coffee will taste better
In a light-colored mug
It will
If you think your lunch will taste better
In a yellow bowl
It will
If you say it’s all in your mind
- in your mind it is
There’s no better place for it to be
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the most wonderful time of the year
6/22/08
Consumer confidence is holding low. Lower than it’s been since 1973. I can make things like that up and they’re believable because they’re not too far from the truth. Inflation continues. As rising fuel costs percolate throughout the economy and nearly every consumer is being touched in some way. Touch me I’m sick. You may be in denial as you say the prices of your favorite products haven’t gone up. But look closely and you’ll notice clever marketing and attractive packaging, giving you less product for the same old price. New & Improved. Longer lasting flavor. Long lasting odor control. Brighter Whites. Restful nights.
A consumer lacking confidence narrows his focus to the essentials like beer and cat litter. Today is CETMA rack day in the 98122. A 27# bucket of cat litter trucked home for Skunk and Brad. And soon an 18 pack of canned carbonated Yakima Valley hopped malted barley pop will be purchased, strapped down with a bungee cord and ridden to a local park to be consumed among friends.
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what's in the bag?
6/21/08
I once met a hipster from Seattle
who’s life would be an uphill battle
if he ever rode his bike off Capitol Hill
but he won’t he wouldn’t he don’t he couldn’t stop
no cables no housing no brakes no gears
No skills Plenty of attitude It’s about coffee and beers
It’s about fixed gear gallery and full color glossy
Coffee table books and feature length films
Purple deep Vs shining hacking down bars to 7.3
Tight little pants sagging backward circles riding
baseball cap tilting tattoos still glistening
giant RE Load bagging obviously empty
A lifestyle choice but only after work and on weekends
Hey I’m no bike snob. As the fixed gear gallery approaches 8,000 check out my Soma in there around #150. I’m all for getting more people out riding bikes. All kinds of people, all kinds of bikes doing whatever wherever however they want as long as they stay away from me.
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28 days later
6/20/08
What if your only worry was finding a corn field in which to take a nature break -- and you were surrounded by corn as far as the eye could see? What if your greatest concern was how to wipe the sunscreen off your sunglasses -- because the lycra-spandex just wasn’t cutting it? What if your only goal for the day was to drink at least one beer in every pass-through town? What if you could soft-pedal on the back of a 56-person pace line and not feel the wind in your face for 12 miles? What if you rode your bike across Iowa, and your caloric intake far exceeded your caloric output?
RAG what? RAGBRAI
28 days to RAGBRAI XXXVI
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it's not me, it's 622 bsd
6/18/08
If Paul Allen wants a street car, Paul Allen gets a street car. Even if it’s a $55,000,000.00 joke that’s slow, doesn’t really go anywhere, nobody rides and is referred to as the S.L.U.T.
If Bill & Melinda Gates want a left turn signal, they’ll get it, and whatever else they want
red & white checker wrapped
breakfast sandwiches drying out
under the heat lamp since 6:45
two-for-one at 10:00
English muffins eggs cheese
ham or sausage or bacon
I’ll take two big bites
stuck in my esophagus someplace
need something to wash it down
dehydrated since 1997 top-shelf tequila shots
she was a great bartender yesterday
was your Friday today is Wednesday
Texture rhythm syntax context
Q-factor crank arms Quick-release cantilevers
It’s not you, it’s me. We’ve grown apart
High flange double butted three cross deep section
round true tension dish
I need to focus on my career maybe go back to school
thread pitch shell size spindle length
loose ball sealed bearing cartridge
I met someone else. I’m not attracted to you anymore
It’s just not fun…not what it used to be
130 bcd not compatible with Campy
Feeling pressure from my family
25.4... 28.6... 31.8 can we all get along
I want to travel. You'd like to settle down
High limit low limit bent derailleur hanger
I need more...won’t settle for OK
You call it 29" I call it 700c
Can't you see it’s all 622 bsd
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said it once before but it bears repeating
6/18/08
Priority is the new Sacrifice
At $5 a gallon, gas is still cheaper than beer
Where are you going?
On a beer run
How are you getting there?
On a bike
Bringing home 168 cans of beer
plus one for the road
Who wants to go for a ride?
You win some. You win some more.
You lose some. It rains it pours.
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nipple driver
6/17/08
Mr. Art KNR with a prototype nipple driver onesie.
Show me the money.
I’ll show you a one-of-a-kind onesie or two or three.
Show me the way.
I’ll show you the door.
Show me a breath mint that will mask the scent of 6 beers.
I’ll show you a high school girl drinking lunch in her car.
However, school is out for the summer.
Bring on the summer associates.
Long stares. Short skirts.
Long lunches. Short attention spans.
Long days. Short nights.
Long winters. Short summers.
<<<>>>
There is some dispute about who should get credit for inventing the bicycle and exactly what year it was. There is no doubt however that the first pedal-driven bike was a fixed-gear. What I’m saying is, they’ve been around for a while, since day one. But everybody has their own opinion about fixie kids these days.
And finally, to the Stealth Messenger Crew…the last company in North America to use radios, real old-school radios. We’ll talk about Nextel and Stealth some other time. But this cheese is for all of you: Sara this bites. And Travis, take these Broken Wings . Keep the volume up as you step inside. Word.
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immaculate receptionist
6/14/08
kind of blue
Rectum? It nearly killed him.
Large German sedan, I can hear your attitude in the way you stomp the gas pedal. In your mind you’re entitled. The seed was planted even before The Bush School, but it really grew at Lakeside and thrived at Bowdoin. Those two years you trust-funded around Europe before mom got you back on track and dad got you into Michigan Law in spite of your poor LSATs, added more to your deep rooted sense of entitlement. I can’t see your face but I can feel your family history in the warm exhaust that brushed my right leg when you gunned it for that next red light. You made it to partner in grandpa’s firm just six months after grandpa passed away. Dad said there was no connection, but I know the truth. Your second wife seems unhappy but your first wife is happy with her alimony. I sense something is bothering you, I can see it in the way you change lanes. But it’s all amusing to me because I know I’ll be home and well into my second beer before you even get back to Mercer Island.
pedestrian walks city blocks
ferry docks Ballard locksslow clocks tick tocks
finger painting smocks mismatched socksmoney talks silicone caulks
Basque flocks shit crocks
intercom squawks revolver cocks hot pink Crocs hipster fauxhawks
stalker stalks Richard Sachsretarded like a fox bagels & lox
Goody Blick rocks opportunity knocks
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peaceful easy feeling
6/13/08
J. Treebeardsley photo
That bucket that catches all the overflow, mispours, splashes, spills, foamovers. That bucket that the bartender emptys at the end of the night. That bucket - that’s how I feel.
Thank god yesterday was Thursday. (TGYWT)
Word.
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