a quality of life issue

I met the owner of this solid state Ross the other Monday and she calls it her "tank"

she's had it since 1982 and she'll probably still have it when all the local bike shops go out of business because the bike industry goes completely on-line direct-to-consumer-mail-order delivery via On-Trac independent contractors and bike repair will only be available from mobile bike shops 

the cool thing is she won't need much repair work done on this beauty in the next 30 years

do me a favor, don't do me any favors

i had a dream i was day dreaming near the bike rack in the tunnel at Two Union.  as i listened to the rain and stared into space one of the stodgy security guards in an ill-fitting blue blazer came out and said to me sternly "Sir, I need to move your bike, it's blocking the loading dock" but as he reached for the handlebars and braced for my over reaction,  i just chuckled because it wasn't my bike

would you rather drive a big vacuum truck around town and suck the shit out of honey buckets or work in the Lane Powell mail room

those are your only two choices

can't you smell that smell    no not that smell i'm talking about Lane Powell

to a simple time before amazon prime robot grocery stores and drones dropping your immediate gratification shit in the neighbor's yard a time of one inch threaded headsets when a pair of wrenches was all you needed and your dog was dropping his shit in the neighbor's yard because dogs roamed free and coke was 50 cents and coffee was a dollar and there were not 5 or 6 choices of what fucking kind of milk you want with your 142 boost and 5 or 6 hundred headsets to choose from in the qbp catalog  

two colloquia walk into a bar

the bartender says, Are you fucking kidding me? 

the first colloquium says, I'm a frayed knot 

the second colloquium says, Why the long face? 

how was your weekend?

what'd you do this weekend?

got big plans for next weekend? 

two parallel lines wrap around a perfect cylinder coming back around the end becomes the beginning a commencement of sorts sort of rolling over to Albertsons for a free cookie only that's not Albertsons anymore it's a Metropolitan Market and they don't do the free cookie thing bro but the elegant simplicity of the formula to calculate the volume of that cylinder is like a stack of cookies

viewing the world through Jonny Sundt's old rose colored Axleys

i like a little snow on a sunday morning then by sunday afternoon i like it all to melt and stay away for two or three years 

i've often pondered the fine line between genius and insanity and i've always been a big fan of lists and collections. last week i finished reading Donald Antrim's piece in the New Yorker after starting and stopping it a few times because it's not exactly uplifting reading first thing in the morning 

but his list   cut & pasted below    is a good one.

Depression, hysteria, melancholia, nervousness, neurosis, neurasthenia, madness, lunacy, insanity, delirium, derangement, demonic possession, black humors, black bile, yellow bile, the black dog, the blues, the blue devils, a brown study, the vapors, a funk, a storm, the abyss, an inferno, Hell, a pain syndrome, stress, an anxiety disorder, lack of affect, an affective disorder, a mood disorder, panic, loneliness, bad wiring, a screw loose, a mercurial temperament, irritability, schizophrenia, unipolar disorder, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, attention-deficit disorder, borderline personality disorder, laziness, pain, rumination, grief, mourning, malingering, unhappiness, hopelessness, sadness, low spirits, invalidism, despondency, dysthymia, detachment, disassociation, dementia praecox, neuralgia, fibromyalgia, oversensitivity, hypersensitivity, idiocy, an unsound mind, cowardice, obstinacy, apathy, recalcitrance, spleen, a broken heart, battle fatigue, shell shock, self-pity, self-indulgence, self-centeredness, weakness, withdrawal, distraction, distemper, a turn in the barrel, a break in a life narrative, bad thoughts, bad feelings, coming undone, coming apart, falling apart, falling to pieces, willfulness, defiance, thoughts of hurting oneself or others, the thousand-yard stare, craziness, rage, misery, mania, morbidity, genius, suicidality, suicidal ideation, aggression, regression, decompensation, drama, breakdown, crackup, catatonia, losing one’s mind, losing one’s shit, losing one’s way, wasting away, psychic disorganization, spiritual despair, shame, raving, the furies, a disease, an enigma, a tragedy, a curse, a sin, and, of course, psychosis—suicide, in the past and in our time, has been called many things.

here's to the smell of spring in the air and more hours of daylight

Even when the hair grows back it’ll still be 3:33 and in my time zone it will never really be 4:20 bro my clock runs slow or fast depending on how much horseshit is in the room and on hallmark holidays half past a monkey's ass inverse proportionally even directly it was psychosomatically suggested to me by a pharmaceutical company and i said i see the consumer feedback focus groups came up with another spectacular name for the thing placebonoyoudiunt  placebo yes they did      if you think it is    it is       a high resolution digital photo of a black & white line drawing of an analog watch inked seven layers deep in the skin no more no less 3 x 1 = the magic number

normal operation suspension of disbelief

snow days daze

4-day weekend maybe five

what day is it? 

help me get my boots off

on   off   on   off   on

my socks are wet